Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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