Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize