Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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