Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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