I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We smell like vodka and hangover
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