We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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