I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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