So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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