All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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