If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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