she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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