The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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