The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You are the jesus of drinking
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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