the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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