Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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