My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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