As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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