the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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