I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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