i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
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After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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