Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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