do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize