barbara walters just said penis...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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