My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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