My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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