I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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