i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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