oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize