dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize