ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize