I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize