i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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