I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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