HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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