I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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