the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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