I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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