$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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