That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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