Got a toothbrush?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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