Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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