oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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