why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize