Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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