the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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