Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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