I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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