Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize