hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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