GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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